If it's possible to be utterly alone in this world I've achieved that status. At least that's what it feels like on this Tuesday morning and I am unable to envision even the tiniest shred of relief anytime soon.
I thought for a time that I could create a blog that would be so interesting that thousands upon thousands of people would rush to read it each day but alas hopeful thinking has never gotten me anywhere and now even that is gone.
Sometimes I wish that I could believe in God or anything for that matter but the evidence has shown that if there is anything resembling a divine spirit out there it has utterly and completely left me out of the loop. The only thing I have left to comfort me are my own tears and if I could somehow magically transform them into little green dollar bills then maybe I'd have a shot at achieving a moment's peace but I doubt even money could comfort me today.
I had the thought last night that since I'm so utterly unable to envision anything good for myself and my family that I might ask all you people in cyberspace to pray for me. Of course, I have my doubts about whether or not, I could even get anyone's attention long enough for that to happen. Either way, there it is.
If anyone ever reads this post, please pray for me and my 3 children.
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I'm praying for you sweet heart, don't give up on your writing, it is theraputic and even if you don't find it helpful to put all the shit in your brain down on page at least you can read it back and keep track of yourself. I have found diary and journal reading has helped me understand my depression so hopefully you will feel like that to.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine how hard depression must be for people with children, I cannot even look after myself let alone 3 helpless children so you are an inspiration and you must be doing something right. Don't give up, take each day as it comes and remember other people feel exactly like how you feel so you are by no means alone.